c-c-cold

I actually didn't gain anything from my binge yesterday, probably because I did a lot of walking and I went for a roller blade. But my weight is still ballooned up to a horrific, earthquake-causing 114lbs. It's 4:24PM so I am 16 hours and 40 minutes into my fast. I don't know if I'll make it - not because I want to eat, but because my mom got me something for dinner and I might not be able to dispose of it. I feel so awful when I waste food, especially if my parents made it/bought it for me. I half-want to go downstairs and eat some of the raspberries and blueberries my mom got for me but I just can't. I'm in not-eating mode. I have 3 modes, it seems. Binge mode: starts off with me feeling like I'm going crazy, ends up in my bingeing in an attempt to quiet my head. Control mode: count calories like crazy, but still eat. Exercise too. This is my favourite mode to be in. Not eating mode: I can't even make myself chew gum.

I'm so fucking cold, this is ridiculous. I bought some used magazines though, so I can collage ... I really need to practice my guitar because today is my last lesson and I haven't practiced yet this week which is so stupidly lazy and horrible. I just feel like I can't bring myself to do it, but my lesson is in 3 hours so I haaaave to. Why the fuck am I so lazy when it comes to guitar?